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How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk (NTC Self-Help), by John Van Epp
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AVOID THE JERKS AND FIND “THE ONE” WHO'S RIGHT FOR YOU
"An insightful and creative contribution to managing the complexity of choosing a life partner. I heartily recommend it."
--Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find
"Don't be part of the 'where-was-this-book-when-I-needed-it?' crowd. It's not too late--read it now!"
--Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy
Based on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk (previously published in hardcover as How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk) will help you break destructive dating patterns that have kept you from finding the love you deserve:
- Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partner
- Judge character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships
- Resolve your own emotional baggage so you're ready for a healthy relationship
- Sales Rank: #19770 in Books
- Brand: Van Epp, John
- Published on: 2008-03-19
- Released on: 2008-03-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .80" w x 5.90" l, .99 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
From the Back Cover
What the experts are saying
. ."An insightful and creative contribution to managing the complexity of choosing a life partner. I heartily recommend it."
--Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find
"I have never read a book with more practical wisdom for finding real love and a healthy marriage."
--William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage
"The tool for finding the love of your life. John Van Epp and his RAM model make it possible for you to assess the five key areas when picking a partner."
--Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D., author of Time for a Better Marriage
"Don't be part of the 'where-was-this-book-when-I-needed-it?' crowd. It's not too late--read it now!"
--Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy
. It's happened to everyone: you meet someone and fall madly in love and all good judgment and perspective are thrown out the window--until slowly you realize this person isn't who you thought he or she was. Use the proven program used by thousands of singles worldwide--and break the destructive dating patterns that have prevented your happiness in the past.
. .Based on years of research on marital and premarital happiness, this guide maximizes your potential of finding �the one� by giving you the tools to focus on the crucial characteristics of a loving, lasting relationship.
. .These easy-to-use techniques will help you:
. .- Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partner .
- Analyze your partner's level of conscientiousness--considered the window to the soul.
- Judge character based on compatibility, relationships skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships.
- Resolve your own emotional baggage so you're ready for a healthy relationship.
- Open your eyes to problems in the relationship and stop giving a jerk too many chances.
- Identify--and break--destructive dating patterns that prevent you from finding a life partner.
Years of clinical research along with observations from his own private practice have inspired Dr. John Van Epp to develop universally applicable, proven strategies to navigate the complexities of love. His foolproof method will help you determine exactly what the person you date will be like as a spouse so you can spot the gem among the jerks.
. About the Author
John Van Epp, Ph.D., conducts seminars and workshops worldwide on marriage and relationships. His popular video program, “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk,” is being taught by certified instructors internationally in thousands of churches, singles organizations, educational and agency settings, and throughout the military. Visit his website at www.johnvanepp.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
"When marrying someone, remember: the good gets no better, and the bad only gets worse."
By Anthony D. West
I cannot think of a better way to encapsulate the great theme of this book than the headline, which I have said to a few friends who have been thinking of getting married.
A relationship is not supposed to be that difficult, and the author discards the notion that relationships are about bargaining, compromise and hard work, and instead observing the type of person the other partner is.
Everyone in the world needs to read this book because it is simple, direct and valid with actual facts and figures that can be used. The author speaks of the "honeymoon period" of a relationship, wherein the prospective partner is putting their best foot forward, but after three months, their true nature begins to reveal itself.
It is this true nature on which one should judge their perspective partner.
The author then continues with a number or easily relatable examples of situations written with a sardonic, direct tone that does not try to sell the lie that has so often been posited that one should walk into a relationship accepting flaws and ready to bargain and compromise. Instead, this book argues we should focus on the flaws because they do not get any better through the course of relationship.
If people read this book, there would simply not be that many divorces.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Book teaches you as much about you
By Brian Miller
Looked this book as it was recommended to me by friends. I thought it was going to be a guide to examining the behaviors I encountered with others. While there is of great insight and advice there, I found it much more helpful in seeing my faults and the reasons behind them. I would recommend this book to anyone who is either in, considering or has fallen out of a relationship at some point in their life. Meaning pretty much everyone.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
Best book I've read on relationships
By Elisabeth
I read "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" by the same author. When I was flipping through "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk", it looked like the exact same book with just a different title. If it's not, then I apologize for this review.
The author introduces a RAM model which shows the sequence of steps you take which will lead to commitment. You have to do A before you do B. For example, you have to know someone before you trust someone. You have to trust someone before you get physical with someone, etc... When people are anxious for intimacy, they tend to skip over this and create a pseudo-intimacy which leads to a broken heart.
My favorite chapter is the one that deals with a person's conscience. The author warns that you cannot be someone else's conscience for them. You cannot be the angel on their shoulder that whispers to them to do the right thing. It's much better to pick someone with a healthy and consistent conscience in the first place so you don't have to worry about them mistreating you when they're out of your sight. My mom did this with my dad, always trying to keep him in line like he was her son. It didn't work. It lead to mutual disrespect and eventual divorce.
This is best book I've read on relationships and one of my favorite go-to books when I'm trying to decide if I'm moving the relationship too fast. Highly recommended.
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